The purpose of pr0n

In the early 90’s, random dot stereograms made really popular geek posters.

I haven’t a clue what this really looks like. click here to view larger. You can view more and get other stereogram paraphernalia here.

To view them, you had to unfocus your eyes a bit and then stare at infinity. I could never do this so I never saw the fucking giraffes, giraffes fucking, or whatever that others claimed they saw. This caused me to develop quite an elaborate conspiracy theory around the Magic Eye corporation.

When I walk to work, I have this insanely long internal monolog. During a twelve minute walk, I create at least one blog entry I’ll never write and come up with three clever turns of phrases of which maybe I’ll remember one of them in the future and someone will say, “I’ll quote you on that”—but they won’t and we’ll forget it together forever.

However, if you stuck one of those posters in front of me right then, my eyes are so unfocused, I’d probably be able to see the fucking giraffe fucking and finally dispel a conspiracy theory of my youth.

[The Blog Post Who Lived. After the jump.]

But that never happens, instead my eyes scan across a girl walking the other way to work. We make eye contact and, with a nervousness that comes from misinterpreting an “imaginary blogging stare” as “creepy person stare,” she smiles at me just before we pass each other.

And just like that, I forgot the blog entry and those three clever turns of phrases.

Thoughts that followed devastation

I know I’ve mentioned this before, but it never ceases to surprise.

Since I still had four blocks more to walk, I thought

If I were Handicapper General of the United States, I’d make Harrison wear these goggles which every so often showed a pretty woman making eye contact with you and then smiling.

I’d be the best damn Handicapper General in the whole history of the United States of America.

And then, it followed:

Gee, porn really serves a great societal purpose. It moves these “shotgun to the brain moments” to times and places when they don’t destroy a good blog post.

After this thought, I then stared intensely at the ground and barreled my way forward so as not to be hit by another “doozy” on the way to work.

(I’m going to go my grave claiming the blog post I lost was better than this one.)

6 thoughts on “The purpose of pr0n

  1. If it weren’t for pretty women, this blog would be more active than Engadget.

    The same thing happens to me when I am walking to the gym. It’s about 7 blocks, and for some reason, I always think of a great blog post on the way.

    When I start working out, the content is still fresh in my head, but then I start looking around. By the time I get home, my inspiration for blogging dies.

    Thanks for actually blogging Terry. Some of us need some work.

    -Andrew (hasn’t blogged in 8 days)

  2. i never could make out that shit either and it drove me crazy when i was a teen; probly gave me a complex b/c all the other kidz were doin it. i always thought it was a ploy to keep us at the fckin mall longer.


  3. @andrew mager Didn’t understand the first part, but you do need to blog more and so do I. 🙂

    @one9.sf Technically they’re autostereograms, but whatever. Very frustrating. I feel like they’re secret messages for aliens among us.

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