“Gold” medal parenting

She says to me at 1 AM: “I’m so glad I sucked the snot out of our son’s nose… it wasn’t really gross at all.”

This was a short while after she showed me his boogies in the snot sucker with far more pride than when she showed me her finisher’s medal after her first triathlon.

Apparently, the sucker has a filter in it… or something.

Rollin’ with his homies

By the afternoon, with the air quality getting a little better, M— was beyond tired, so Benjamin took took me in his ride, a Chicco KeyFit 30 Caddy, “cruisin’ for some chicks” (his words, of course, not mine). We were going stir-crazy at home anyway.

Because the warm weather, he wanted to just buckle up and jet and show his rockin’ bod he and mommy have been working on for the last 10 months, but M— thought the seat restraints would chafe his new baby skin and selected a dinosaur shirt from Auntie Nora that all the honey babies in his life (Mommy) thought made him look cute. While it did cover up his awesome guns, he finally relented, and we were off to give M— some much needed rest for a couple hours

We walked through the park, and, on the way back, he thought mommy would like some food to keep her milk all nice and yummy so we picked up some egg bread, spam musubi, and Garlic Noodle w/Pan Seared Prawn on the trip home. He even survived his first diaper change in the field (though, mommy was right: I should have packed more wipes and diapers in the Pronto Changing Station).

Unfortunately, other than a few comments about how cute he was, he didn’t get to pick up any chicks. I thought it meant I failed as a wingman, but Benjamin blames the ‘rona.

Fuck Trump.

Here is a selfie of just him and the boys.

A keeper

Clara Health has asked Checkr to run your background check

One of our current clients requested that we do background checks on individuals. Being on maternity/paternity leave, I’d normally ignore it until later, but Checkr is quite persistent when you ignore them, so I got it off my queue before what-pathetic-excuse-counts-for-sleep last night.

This morning:

I had to announce my relief to the company.

Me: Got my background check back. Relieved to find out I’m not a sex offender anywhere.

J—: im happy for you

Me: I’m relieved too! Forwarded it to M—. She mentioned she knows the CEO of Checkr from a mobile startup, and then said, without skipping a beat, “Okay, baby, we can keep daddy around now that we know he checks out.”

(This is probably revenge for all the times I look at my son and declare to M—, “I guess I think we’ll keep him.”)

Rocky moments in parenting

Anyone else do the beginning Rocky training montage before changing an especially poopy diaper, or is it just me?

I do it right after I pop open the wet wipes and ready a fresh diaper, but before I start changing. M— always laughs when she sees the air punches.

If I haven’t been peed on and he isn’t crying by the end of it, I totally do the top top-of-the-Philadelphia-Museum-of-Art-steps thing.

Otherwise, I’m cuddling and comforting him. I totally relate to the unfunness of having cold water touch your pee pee area.

Russia and COVID

It wasn’t that long ago that some people were claiming that totalitarian/authoritarians were better at handling COVID-19. That came from counting China and Singapore as such and ignoring South Korea. But a bigger one was basically taking unbelievable numbers at face value: Iran being lower than Italy, Russia only having a single case at the time, India having none.

Yesterday the top three countries reporting new cases are:

  1. United States: 24,409 new cases
  2. Russia: 6,411 new cases
  3. Brazil: 6,398 new cases

They all have something in common. Nominal democracy or not, it seems the virus doesn’t care your politics, but it thrives when denial/lies cripple the response.

For well over a month, I’ve been waiting for Russia’s numbers to be in line with reality and that is starting to happen as the number of cases and deaths are becoming too great to categorize them as "pneumonia."

Russia just passed China’s totals and is now having record-setting infections and deaths. And remember when Putin sent a planeload of PPE to Trump? Well now he’s run out of PPE. The crazy thing was that was the beginning of this same month. I wonder how that stuff plays in Moscow now? Probably about as well as when Americans realized the United States sent 18 tons of PPE to China back in February. While Putin’s pathetic planeload was just a publicity stunt, Trump really shouldn’t be faulted for February, it was not replacing that, and doing far worse in that month and the months following.

I want to juxtapose that reality with this Reuters poll on "should the economy and business open even if the virus is not fully contained?" spells further disaster for Russia as it ranks #1 among countries (60%) compared to the 23-50% among western nations. I imagine Russia’s number is so high because their economy is in the toilet after Putin crashed the oil market. Nonetheless, this probably means their lockdown isn’t working despite the draconian punishment they are doing.

(Despite, all these astroturf "protests" in the United States, the U.S. is only at 35%. That number is probably a local peak as the U.S. is opening up in states that have regions of some of the highest new infection rates in the country. We won’t have to wait the requisite two weeks to call that experiment a failure.)

Guess that’s what happens when you are the world’s proponent for calling a pandemic "fake news." You end up getting high on your own supply when the virus hits you.