S—: Hey, Terry. She broke up with me last night.

Me: I didn’t know you were dating someone.

S—: Can I join your Afraid-of-Women club?

Me: You have to be the one to break it off first. It’s like Whac-A-Mole

The Doctrine of Pre-emption probably works as well here as it did for the Bush Administration

[More relationship strategery after the jump.]

S—: Hah! But we’ve only been seeing her for a month and it was going so well—or so I thought. And then *bam!* she drops me!

Me: Oh, when that happens, you might as well jump into the first stage of grief.

Sure she’s on “Acceptance” but the best way to regain the initiative is with “Denial.”

S—: Fucking devastation—it hurts like a bitch. I don’t know how people survive it.

Me: Me neither. But I think I found why you have bad luck in relationships.

S—: Why?

Me: You talk to me about them.