Stuff I found that was funny.
IM from a friend:
See ya.
Oh, by the way in OS X shell:say -v Good oh PHP ow ow oh PHP ow oh PHP ow ow oh PHP ow oh PHP ow ow oh PHP ow oh PHP ow ow oh PHP ouchiefor PHP anthem.
If you came here from a blog search, here is another anthem.
It’s my birthday today!
“Happy Birthday to you! Thank you for being born, you make this world a better place. :)”
—twitter from a friend
Well, thank you, thank you. I can’t claim all the credit for being born—my mom pushed too. 🙂
Which reminds me of a story…
[A birthday story after the jump.]Continue reading
As I mentioned before, everyone in my family but me is an expert at statistics. It’s hard to explain…
When my brother was angry that O.J. got away with it, my dad calmed him down by pointing out that in was a natural consequence of our legal system minimizing Type II error.
When my mom pointed out how unfair it was that her children were the highest rated teachers in their departments and she was the lowest rated in hers, my brother joked, “That’s just mean reversion, mom.”
I won’t get into how many times we’ve seriously argued about what the proper null for our discussion was…
Which brings me to last night’s dinner after Spontaneous Drinking Night, with my geek friends:
(Sometimes I think I’m living in an xkcd comic.) Also apologies to Benjamin Disraeli…and my family 😉
The child on the bus has just entered the quizzical-pointing phase.
Child: “Why are we stopped? Where is the bus driver, mommy?”
Mom: “Oh! I think she just stepped out to go the bathroom.” *laughs*
Child: “Why? She’s a big person and she’s wearing underwear.”
And I think to myself, How thoroughly practical—that kid will grow up to be an astronaut, for sure.
While researching the previous article, I came across this hilarious quote:
This is a far cry from 1966, originally the Klingons were scotch tape Asians (Fong, 176); White actors given slanty eyes. The Klingon race incarnate all the characteristics that most scare White America. The Klingons are violent, ill tempered, lustful, and drunk. They are on a mission to destroy the peaceful Federation and take over the universe. Finally, they fight to the death preferring death to defeat or capture. One scene from an episode entitled The Trouble with Tribbles almost mirrors a scene from the 1944 film Dragon Seed. In both scenes the evil Asians show up at a restaurant and demand liquor, when they are denied they go on a violent rampage. Often, they are shown eating large hunks of meat off the bone Gengis Kahn style.
—“As-liens: The Final Frontier in Depicts of Yellow Peril in Popular Cinema”
I’m so going to have to do this at the next geek event.
It’s important to listen to feedback from your readers:
Comment on my blog from John:
Lol, what a complete load of bollocks. I can’t believe I wasted my life reading this.
Comment on my blog from “photog”:
“You are not a real photographer, look at your shots. Stick to being a dork and don’t post this nonsense. Your camera doesn’t help your images.”
…
There is this old joke about how waitresses at Denny’s have to look ugly in order to make their food taste better:
Diner: “Excuse me, miss. There is something wrong with my Grand Slam breakfast.”
Waitress: “Hmm. Let me see.” *holds breakfast next to face* “Now does it look better?”
…
To John, photog, and others. Thanks for being the Denny’s waitresses of this blog. I always appreciate how your insightful commentary make me look good.
A college friend once once went to a Denny’s in the Florida panhandle. It was closed. “Sorry we’re closed,” the guy inside said.
“But the sign outside says, you’re ‘Open 24 hours,’” my buddy pointed out.
“Yeah, but not all at once.”
Just now, Mager messaged me:
“I am excited for Lunch two dot oh—I don’t say “point-oh” anymore.
Flashback.
…
In the summer of 1992, a friend was reading me a geek purity test he got from USENET.
One of the questions was:
Do you pronounce “*.*” as “star-dot-star?”
Of course, since he was reading it aloud, I heard:
Do you pronounce star-dot-star as star-dot-star?
Needless to say, I was quite confused. 😀
[More geek after the jump]Continue reading
My grandfather once told me this story:
Every day, on his way to work as a chemistry professor at the University of Utah (1948-1973), my grandfather would pass the same man walking the other way. For some reason, each never exchanged more than a tacit acknowledgement of the other. This bothered my grandfather, but as it had happened so often, it had become the protocol.
Then one day, as they were walking toward each other, the man extended his hand to my grandfather.
Finally a chance to meet this man! my grandfather thought and happily extended his hand in return.
“No,” the man said as his hand formed into a point, “your zipper is down.”
…
I mention this story, because now is the second time in two days I’ve gone hours before realizing I forgot to zip up.
My grandfather is very famous in his home country. I heard there is a statue of him at a university there and he’s buried in the national cemetery. Somehow the thought of this embarrassment of one of Korea’s most famous scientists makes mine a little less.
I miss my grandfather.
Scott blogs about (Advanced) Dungeons and Dragons and it brings back memories of Sunday School.
…
It was third grade sunday school, We are talking about why we refer to God as “Our Lord.” “Does anyone know what a ‘lord’ is,” the nun asks?
Nobody else knows. I raise my hand.
“Yes, Terry?”
“It’s a tenth level fighter!” I answer.
The whole class freezes… and then bursts out into laughter.
The nun continues, “That may be true, but in the middle ages…”
…
You can bet I had no trouble answering this question in 6th grade social studies segment on feudalism.
Sometimes when we’re most embarrassed is when we learn the most.
(Embarrassed because clearly a fighter becomes a lord at the 9th level, not the 10th. 😉 )
Thank you Dad (and Santa) for giving me the Basic D&D set in the third grade.
I have this box in storage in the South Bay. And people wonder why I don’t clean out my storage?!
There are a couple guys in the tech world who are models, have been models, or could be models. A friend said that the combination of tall, dark, handsome and geeky was “totally unfair” to us. (I assume she meant to us guys, but I suppose it could go for girls also—maybe for them it’s like some five year old kid pushing down on all the attraction buttons at once.)
It happened at a party that one of these model-geeks was saying, “The first thing they taught us in modeling class…”
At that moment, I almost said, “The first thing they taught me in modeling class is…” *raises hand high above head* “…you have to be this tall to get in.”
Luckily, I managed to hold back that thought—I wouldn’t want to mess with model-geek’s game.
And thus ended my short career in modeling.
Emphasis on short.