Category: about me

Pure Vanity.

The boxes we are

A random post on my stalker feed brings me back of the last party

…

“Are you single?” It’s the second time at the party, Alex has asked that. The internal dialog is now in fine form.

This is San Francisco, shouldn’t you ask if I’m gay first?, “Stop trying to fill out my social networking registration page, Alex”

Somewhat less emphatically: “You are single?!” Then slightly more emphatically: “Terry is single”—as if repetition makes it true.

I’m in a relationship with my Nikon and it’s complicated. “My status is not some box you can check off,” I retort.

“Wait, you are single, aren’t you?” decidedly less emphatically.

That’s thrice! Damn Canon photogs! “You couldn’t even shoot my D3.” I laugh.

“Terry is single,” Alex declares to anyone who was interested. (Nobody was.)

Nelson Muntz voice: “Ha ha!” Maybe if you were a Nikon-toting hottie, I’d have given you a straight answer.

Party photography Q&A tree

Now, in my defense, when it comes to that senseless brand war, I have to represent. But I admit that it was a bit harsh, especially since, as an event photographer himself, he must get asked my most-despised geek-party conversation starter an awful lot: “Who are you with?” (i.e. “Who are you shooting for so I know if I should do a posedown.”)

We hates it, my precious, yes we do.

Coincidentally, just that day, I devised a customer support answer tree to turn this question into a lethal conversation-killer:

Party photography Q&A tree: “Who you with?”

…then give them that dismissive look, like they just said something incredibly stupid.

Continue reading Boxes and banter after the jump

Posted on by tychay 6

Amsterdam

It’s interesting how self-context can change a city.

Last time I visited Amsterdam, I was in a terrible relationship, living in South Bay and I got robbed leaving Schiphol. Three years later, I’m single living in San Francisco and am a tiny bit wiser.

This time, for instance, I found out that Amsterdam smells a lot like San Francisco.

(Back then, I thought Patchouli was pot, so what did I know?)

[Amsterdam women after the jump]Continue reading →

Posted on by tychay 5

Bernadette

I first met Bernadette at the Reddit Party last year. (Coincidentally, there is another Reddit party in San Francisco tonight.) She was hiding in the corner and caught me taking her photo so I introduced myself “to not make it seem as creepy as it is.”

She recently started blogging so read her blog! (Now if only Mager can get her on twitter—whoops, scratch that.)

Every so often since that party, she’ll say something just to get a rise out of me followed by a disarming smile or a laugh. Luckily I can’t hear it over the party noise, so my reaction makes me seem all cool and “mysterious” when really my hearing is just going.

A lot of people seem to think the stuff I write is fiction—that this is some made up character or persona I craft for myself. Or I’m just a very talented liar with a good memory. But no, this stuff really happens. I don’t have that good of an imagination.

Luckily, my friends do. I count Bernie as one of them.

B.B.
Posted on by tychay 4

Hangovers

At least you made it home alive, Terry.

Last night I prayed at the porcelain altar.

The Long Tail of the Ballmer Peak should never be experimentally determined.

I remembered that I spent most of my time in college, between problem sets, in a dynamic equilibrium consisting of an elevated state of inebriation and wishing I was dead.

…or maybe theoreticians like you should stay out of the lab.

Like one time, we decided to carol all of Caltech with the main verse of “Terriers are My Favorite Animal.”

This is why you cultivate an abusively low tolerance for alcohol, Terry

After about two dorms it became, “Terry is my favorite animal. Terry weighs about 20lbs…”

Just make it end.

And by the time we finished at Ruddock House, it had pretty much become a solo: “I weigh about 20lbs. I help the aged…”

Please, please, I promise I won’t do this again.

That’s when J— got the idea that we had to protect all the eggs in the house.

What comes after bargaining?

We raided the place for all the “safe sex” condoms.

I shouldn’t have eaten anything.

Then we into every refrigerator and proceeded to individually condom every egg we found in there.

Was that just my liver that came out?

Yeah, I know it sounds hilarious.

Uh oh. This is the part where parts of your body haven’t been told there is nothing left to eject.

But imagine you lived in Ruddock House and needed a hangover breakfast and found all your eggs individually condomed.

Note to self: Alcohol is the devil.

I’m glad I lived in Page House.

I wish I was dead.

Update:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fR5negCF024

Posted on by tychay 4

Statistics

As I mentioned before, everyone in my family but me is an expert at statistics. It’s hard to explain…

When my brother was angry that O.J. got away with it, my dad calmed him down by pointing out that in was a natural consequence of our legal system minimizing Type II error.

When my mom pointed out how unfair it was that her children were the highest rated teachers in their departments and she was the lowest rated in hers, my brother joked, “That’s just mean reversion, mom.”

I won’t get into how many times we’ve seriously argued about what the proper null for our discussion was…

Which brings me to last night’s dinner after Spontaneous Drinking Night, with my geek friends:

Statisticians

(Sometimes I think I’m living in an xkcd comic.) Also apologies to Benjamin Disraeli…and my family 😉

Posted on by tychay 1

Signs your child was born to program

A friend broke the news that he has a second child on the way.

I was like, “Already? Must be the Irish Catholic in you!”

It occurs to me that now his first born has entered ankle-biting school. And maybe some of you have kids. How are you to know your child has a future in programming?

Well I don’t know, but I do have a story.

[The terrible threes after the jump.]Continue reading →

Posted on by tychay 2

Family tech support

I’m preparing a list of things to do tomorrow, when it occurs to me:

I wonder if Larry or Sergei ever have to fix their family members’ computers?

If so, that’s got to be the World’s Most Expensive Tech Support.

I wonder how many six(or more)-figure-salary software engineers weekend as the family Geek Squad?

Posted on by tychay 0

Never ask a nerd for directions

“The front office is to your back that way and to your left,” someone says.

The delivery man walks a bit, gets confused, and looks at me across the floor, “Which way from here?” he points.

“It’s right of that.” I shout back.

He points in another direction, “That way?”

“No. Bisect the angle you just created.”

…blank stare…

“Errr…Or something.”

Mathematics is the universal language of science, not FedEx.

Posted on by tychay 2