All month, the closest Starbucks’s chalkboard has read: “Try a Skinny or Mocha Cinnamon dolce Latté A Non-fat, Sugar-free dairy delight!”
I had to stop ordering them because I dislike the sugar-free aftertaste. This means that I’m now faced with the question, “Do I want whip cream in it?”
Of course, when given an option for my food, I almost always say “yes,” and I started to realize that this is eating into my need for variety. How to balance those two?
[choice, choice, and more choice after the jump]
They messed up Mark #1’s order, so I had a lot of time to mull about this problem.
Then it occurred to me: why not try to “flip every bit” in my order—what’s the maximal order? That challenge would allow me to justify a “no-whip” since the bit is default on and I have to actively flip it off. It’d also mean that I need to “white” my Mocha which is always a nice change. Of course, I’ll stop having to order Tall and graduate to a Grande or Venti, but I think it’d be worth it. Plus you get to push the boundaries of taste—what’s the maximal pump? is there a quadruple? What bits can be flipped on the Iced-Tea or Frappucino?
Of course, there needs to be an extended ruleset. Like, I can dodge having to order hated “non-fat, no-whip, sugar-free” combination because it gets bundled into the aforementioned “skinny” which is like Lempel-Ziving the order and nets one less bits overall.
How many bits can you toggle in your Starbucks?
When I was a seven, I ordered a restaurant burger for the first time. They asked me how I wanted it my meat cooked. I was like “Huh?”
Then my dad explained, “Terry, would you like it rare, medium, or well done?”
Given that choice, the answer is obvious! “I’d like my burger done well, thank you!”
It turns out, there is a difference between “done well” and “well done.” I didn’t like well done.
(Of course, nowadays I prefer my meat medium-rare.)
Ordering food has always been a private trauma.
Permuting your order
I found out that due to product ordering design error, Starbucks can’t start inputting your order into the register until you tell them the size of the cup.
After I figure out the maximal order, I’m definitely going to put off mentioning the size until the very end.