Me: Does your wife drive a light blue SUV?

M—: Yeah.

Me: I think I saw her crossing Geary, but some other dude was in the passenger side, so I didn’t want to give her up in case she was cheating on you. Lol!

M—: But then you conscience started to nag? 🙂

Me: No. It occurred to me you probably have an open relationship. 😀

Me: I think it was a coworker. Maybe they were going to lunch?

M—: Ah yes, I think she went to some boba tea place on Geary.

Me: Makes sense. The old ice cream place and the Thai restaurant both switched to tea places. She needs to take a different route there or I’ll basically become your informant: “Hey, I saw your wife grabbing ‘tea’ again!”

M—: It’s all good, I constantly stalk her with the Find Friends app — zero trust.

Me: Lol! I forgot about that. Need to remember to turn that shit off when I start cheating. I wonder if there is a service where I can pay someone to walk around with my iPhone when I’m getting it on with my mistress.

Me: New startup idea!

M—: Isn’t that what TaskRabbit is for?

Me: Yeah, but it needs in-app purchasing under some innocuous name so the S.O. doesn’t notice it in my accounting software. “Honey why do you keep getting those Costco packs of iTunes gift cards?”