Me: Does your wife drive a light blue SUV?
Me: I think I saw her crossing Geary, but some other dude was in the passenger side, so I didn’t want to give her up in case she was cheating on you. Lol!
M—: But then you conscience started to nag? 🙂
Me: No. It occurred to me you probably have an open relationship. 😀
Me: I think it was a coworker. Maybe they were going to lunch?
M—: Ah yes, I think she went to some boba tea place on Geary.
Me: Makes sense. The old ice cream place and the Thai restaurant both switched to tea places. She needs to take a different route there or I’ll basically become your informant: “Hey, I saw your wife grabbing ‘tea’ again!”
M—: It’s all good, I constantly stalk her with the Find Friends app — zero trust.
Me: Lol! I forgot about that. Need to remember to turn that shit off when I start cheating. I wonder if there is a service where I can pay someone to walk around with my iPhone when I’m getting it on with my mistress.
Me: New startup idea!
M—: Isn’t that what TaskRabbit is for?
Me: Yeah, but it needs in-app purchasing under some innocuous name so the S.O. doesn’t notice it in my accounting software. “Honey why do you keep getting those Costco packs of iTunes gift cards?”