Category: PHP

Stuff about PHP (Personal Home Page or PHP Hypertext Processor), an open-source language for developing websites and web applications. And one of the few things out there with more market share than a Microsoft product.

Internationalization PB&J

I had to suffer, now it’s Andrei’s turn.


OSCON 2008

Badges, we don’t need no stinkin’ badges.

No, what I mean is that Andrei needs to practice his talk before OSCONdebut his talk!

Description of the talk:

PHP 6 brings fully functional and mature Unicode support to the Web world. This talk will cover all the layers of the PHP (bread)/Unicode (butter)/i18n (jam) sandwich. Come and find out how to work with locales, use collation to compare and sort strings, and format numbers, currencies, and dates for any country in the world. Bring your appetite because the toasty goodness is waiting.

What: PHP::$unicode->i18
When: Thursday, July 10, 2008 at 7PM
Where: CNET networks, 235 2nd street, San Francisco, CA
Why: Because I only speak one language and every character can be described with 7-bits. Plus. PB&J is yummy!
RSVP: The great thing is you show up. Just don’t give security the queer eye…PHP meetup, download iCalendar, whore this on Facebook., list on Upcoming

Unlike my talk, this one’s a new one. So even if you’re going to OSCON this year, you know you might miss it, so see it here:

(I hope he talks about “mojibake” (mo-gee-bah-kay) in the talk. I love that word. I’d use it all the time, but it gets me slapped in the face by girls at tech parties.)

This is awfully close to the the anniversary of a full year in the city—the Andreiversary! So be there!

Posted on by tychay 2

Egos and assholes

The strange thing about search is it’s a lot like academia: full of assholes. I know, since I’m one of them. So I was trying to figure out why this twitter about my Keynote bothered me so:

“@tychay apparently serving red meat to the faithful at #phptek proving there are language Nazis on both sides.
—tweet from a stream follower

Then it hit me. I act like an asshole, I’m probably an asshole, but never, not once, do I engage in personal attacks that aren’t obvious jokes. I don’t go up there like the founder of Ruby on Rails [Ed: corrected (see comments)] and in every talk say (to me):

“DHH says…” by planetargon

“Then he clicked over to the next slide, white letters against a dark background that spelled out his response to the naysayers: fuck you. The crowd erupted into laughter and applause.”
—Wired Magazine

Haha.

No, really!

That’s hilarious!

In my current talk I have a slide that says to the viewer that if they disagree they should give me a big “Fuck Y—.” on their blog. I suppose that’s a bit ironic since this is the same talk where people explicitly create F-bomb counters on IRC and and twitter.

[Ego, assholes, internet architecture, being wrong, and learning after the jump.]Continue reading →

Posted on by tychay 17

Job: PHP UI Engineer (Mountain View)

Restarting this policy…

Job listing – User Interface Engineer (PHP) in Mountain View, California. Contact aknight [at] this site.

The company has developed a shopping search engine that delivers comprehensive lists of products and their corresponding images, ranked by the leading products, brands, stores and styles on the very first page of results. They call this technology their “Product Ranking Engine.”

Their unbiased Product Ranking Engine crawls over 500,000 stores to find over 200 Million products web-wide. There team has a strong background the start up world and Search space with companies like: Onebox, Bridgespan, Vialto, Scalent, Impresse; Frame; Apple; Oracle; Buy.com; AltaVista , AOL; TURN; AltaVista, Yahoo Search; Zip2 and Verity Corporation. They should be profitable in 2008.
They believe that shoppers should have access to all of the products on the web – not just the ones that pay to be there. With their unbiased and objective “Product Ranking Engine” technology, we have made that dream a reality.

Their patent-pending technology ranks the product results for your searches by the most relevant and market-leading products, brands, stores and styles for your search. These rankings can never be bought or sold. So you can feel comfortable knowing that you are covering a ton of ground in just one search.

Plus, they provide large images of these leading products so you can easily see exactly what you are shopping for. No more wading through millions and millions of text links – the best matches for your search are easily visible and are right there on the first page!

They take care of the science, so you can enjoy the art of shopping!

They believe that shoppers should have access to all of the products on the web – not just the ones that pay to be there. With our unbiased and objective “Product Ranking Engine” technology, we have made that dream a reality.

[job description after the jump]Continue reading →

Posted on by tychay 3

Amsterdam

It’s interesting how self-context can change a city.

Last time I visited Amsterdam, I was in a terrible relationship, living in South Bay and I got robbed leaving Schiphol. Three years later, I’m single living in San Francisco and am a tiny bit wiser.

This time, for instance, I found out that Amsterdam smells a lot like San Francisco.

(Back then, I thought Patchouli was pot, so what did I know?)

[Amsterdam women after the jump]Continue reading →

Posted on by tychay 5

Goodbyes and hellos

I just get back from Amsterdam and two of our engineers are leaving Tagged and we have a lot of job openings.

One of the departing wrote an interesting e-mail on leaving which I’ll quote below and maybe it’ll give you an idea what it’s like working here. But first, some open job reqs…

[Tagged Jobs Reqs and farewell after the jump. Read on! It’s worth it.]Continue reading →

Posted on by tychay 5

Consultants

(I am sitting in a presentation on a web framework in our office conference room given by a former employee who is now a consultant. One of my engineers asks the consultant to give an example from experience where he had to modify the framework code itself.)

R—: “Yeah, that happened to me, you know when v was greater than 1 and you are going viral… you know when you are doing a blast? We had a couple sites hit over 40 million users, sure then we had to go in to the CakePHP objects with an optimizer. I don’t know if you still have that at Tagged, but back when I worked there and blasting those times it makes sense to optimize so sure I’ve done it before.”

(One of my engineers, not me): “What company did you consult for hit 40 million users?”

R—: “Umm… (long pause)…I was speaking in hypotheticals. But certainly… v greater than one… I’m talking about the slope, when that happens and a lot of e-mails… No, we’ve worked with some sites that had… umm… (pause) more than 10 million users and that’s umm… what I was talking about, built on Cake and we’ve done that for around 10 million, so it’s certainly doable.”

(I so wanted to ask what site that was with even 10 million regs.)

[Origins after the jump.]Continue reading →

Posted on by tychay 7

Pragmatic bullshit

Someone took exception to me saying:

“I have yet to read a good “Pragmatic Programmer Series” book.”

…with the lines:

“I think that’s a bit of a hard knock of the Pragmatic Bookshelf. I’ve had a number of books which I’ve really enjoyed from them; The Pragmatic Programmer and Practices of an Agile Developer spring to mind.”

Hehe, he caught me! Oh, I didn’t lie—I just never actually finished a single one of their books. 😉 I started reading the Pickaxe book and The Pragmatic Programmer mentioned, but I put them down in disgust.

The book that started it all

This book is the book that launched a thousand crappy books.

[But that won’t stop me from peeing on your programming religion after the jump.]Continue reading →

Posted on by tychay 21

I found a use for Ruby

…a place to send all the people who washed out coding PHP.

Commentary on Rails for PHP Developers

I haven’t read this book so I can’t comment, however, I have yet to read a good “Pragmatic Programmer Series” book. The one all the Rails developers jizz over, is so poorly written and full of errors, I am beside myself.

Please buy this book.

Not to emphasize the obvious, but if you can’t build a website in PHP, you must really, really suck. Be sure to shave your head and buy a MacBook on your way down the your path of enlightenment.

More Ruby history

Hmm, Ruby was making a comeback, too.

Don’t miss my book: Delphi for Rails Developers, you’ll be needing it next year. 😉

Posted on by tychay 15

PENIS certificate

Received an e-mail today advertising a great example of three rights making a wrong:

Recipe for disaster

Ingredients:

Instructions:

  1. Combine all ingredients.
  2. Spinkle terminology liberally.
  3. Charge $1600.
O'Reilly PHP/SQL Programming Certificate Series

…

Not sure what to think about this, but I’m starting to wish I got rejected from graduate school. When people start charging for what experts in the field do for free, the experts need to sell out.

Time to sell out. 🙂

Posted on by tychay 3

Time to set my phasers on “kill” (PHP and Enterprise Scalability Part 4/5)

Why Enterprise Web Scalability is Science Fiction:

  1. You Use PHP to Troll WHOM?!. The wherefore of this article and an introduction.
  2. Even the Pros are Cons. Why PHP’s advantages in enterprise are a form of backhanded compliment.
  3. Sinking a fleet of FAIL. Reasons for why PHP should not be used in enterprise fail you.
  4. Time to set my phasers on “kill” <——THIS POST. Deconstructing the use of the word of “enterprise” as an adjective modifying “web development.”
  5. Defensing the indefensible. Don’t bother defending your B.S. it only makes you look more stupid.

I received this e-mail from someone at Zend:

After the latest tempest in a teacup with CIO Magazine, I am left with the question I always have and I want to ask it of each of you.

We see PHP being used in everything from inTicketing to FaceBook to Wikipedia. These are all “large scale” application but obviously the business community at large defines “enterprise” different from “large scale.” So I’m writing a bunch of you asking the same question. Every person receiving this email is in some way connected to PHP but many of you are not developers. I really want a broad spectrum of answers.

“What exactly is ‘enterprise’ and what does PHP need to be ‘enterprise-ready?’”

Oh yeah, bitches, The kid gloves are off and it’s time for that can o tychay! (Don’t worry, Cal, I already picked on you.) Time to pick on the my favorite punching back of all time!

Enterprise Web Application Development

[Why Enterprise Scalability is Science Fiction after the jump.]Continue reading →

Posted on by tychay 6