Thanks, bro

There is a section of my high school called Rowe Common that is off limits to underclassmen. You can’t enter there on pain of death, or whatever. If you were cool and were a freshman or sophomore, you hung out playing four-square in “the Pit” which sits below Rowe Common.

(In my entire time at Shady Side Academy, I think I hung out at the Pit one time.)

One day, some seniors were sitting around bored in need of some light entertainment, one of them got the idea that they’d trick a frosh into entering Rowe Common so they could duct tape them to the wall. They sent an envoy downstairs to the locker rooms.

[How this story and I collide…after the jump]

I was with my friend Adam when this senior approached us. “Hey, some upperclassmen are touring Rowe Common to freshman. Wanna come?”

Adam: “That sounds great.”

Me: “Uhh, I gotta go to the library. I’ll take a pass.”

Adam: “C’mon, it’ll be fun.”

Senior: “Yeah, it’ll be fun. You should come.”

Me: “I’m not feeling so well…”

After some cajoling, Adam and Senior managed to convince me to go upstairs to Rowe Common. (Apparently there is a special exemption you get if you’re a guest of an upperclassman.) We went up the stairs and in via the side door. When it opened, half of Rowe Common was facing us looking like wolves who’ve found their first prey in years.

I don’t remember what exactly went through my head, but it must have been the G-rated version of Oh shit!—this was before I got tourettes.


Then, just before we were made an example of as a warning to others—you know, sort of like what the Romans did—someone lounging in Rowe Common looks over and yells, “Hey, he’s Kenny’s little brother. He’s cool. Let ’em go.”

So, Thanks bro. You saved me untold fortunes in therapy.

I could continue the rest of my time at high school intensely shy, hopelessly nerdy, and uniquely trauma free.

As an upperclassman, I think I went eventually went into Rowe Common two or three times…

…and one of them was to help friends study for the U.S. History midterm.

[tags]high school, trauma, Rowe Common, Shady Side Academy, nerd, geek, upperclassman, Romans, duct tape[/tags]

5 thoughts on “Thanks, bro

  1. The reason I was able to go through grade school without anyone so much as look at me the wrong way was that me brother was captain of the rugby team and made it clear to all that whomever messed with me, messed with him.

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.