Why Enterprise Web Scalability is Science Fiction. Its five part mission: to explore myths of PHP, to seek out this “Enterprise Scalability”, to boldy go where no web developer would bother going before… *queue music*
- You Use PHP to Troll WHOM?! <——THIS POST. The wherefore of this article and an introduction.
- Even the Pros are Cons. Why PHP’s advantages in enterprise are a form of backhanded compliment.
- Sinking a fleet of FAIL. Reasons for why PHP should not be used in enterprise fail you.
- Time to set my phasers on “kill”. Deconstructing the use of the word of “enterprise” as an adjective modifying “web development.”
- Defensing the indefensible. Don’t bother defending your B.S. it only makes you look more stupid.
(I apologize for the book-like length of this article, Paramount wouldn’t buy the movie rights.)
…
Some people have asked me to respond to this article.
”—Ben Ramsey
“Yeah, yeah, what Ben Ramsey said! (Make sure you beat him for using a f—ed up title like that too.)”—Elizabeth Naramore
“+1. That dude needs a taste of Terry Chay in the worst, most serious kind of way.”—Robert Gonzalez
This is what I get for being a self-styled PHP Terrorist. *sigh*
Honestly, I don’t know if I have anything to add beyond the total and complete humiliation the author and his editor received in the 50 replies it received.
I suppose this is what it feels like to put down a lame horse.
[Why me? after the jump]
Why me?
Mostly I think it is because it is easy to push my buttons.
Possibly it may be to distract me from my regularly scheduled beating of Ruby on Rails.
But really it’s because many people do consulting for these Enterprises and can’t actually say what they know is true without getting into trouble with their clients.
More on that last bit later…
What I don’t object to
“There is no single right answer to every problem and PHP is no exception. The dynamic programming language has its strengths and its weaknesses like any other language.”
—CIO Article
That’s how the article begins and that’s about all I agree with. As I have said before:
“Writing software is about making choices.”
—Terry Chay
It is, however, important to note that neither I, nor any commenter, disagreed with this statement.
I agree with the core point he’s trying to make: there is no 1 true language to rule them all. All have their disadvantages and advantages.
—Ivo Jansch commenting on the article
Because you’ll see CIO Magazine’s pathetic defense of their link-baiting article hinges on the assumption that we do.
To demonstrate this, like the above, most of the refutations will come from the commenters themselves.
This article appears to be little more than link baiting.
—Paul (and many others) commenting on the article
Recipes for disaster
The article is done in the pro-con style with the bridge being recipe cookbook bullets of “when to use” and “when not to use” PHP in enterprise.
This approach is completely understandable given, what must be the average intelligence level of a CIO.
Dear CIO,
Since I don’t subscribe to CIO Magazine, I’m not lifting a finger to defend the pre-school level treatment you’re getting with this piece.
Find your own terrorist.
terry
[Continued in Part 2: Even the Pros are Cons.]
