M— sent me this article over text message, but I became more enamored in the cover of the cookbook in the preview pic, rather than the content of the parody post.

I instantly recognized the thing in the corner of the cover as being the microwave my parents bought in 1978-1979: the Amana Radarange Touchmatic, placing this book in the early 1980’s at the latest (it was published in 1978).

Great nostalgia!

We quickly found the limits of the microwaves of the era as soon as we tried to cook eggs or bacon in them. Too bad there isn’t an equivalent problem in AI. Or, rather, actually there is a ton of them but somehow we ignore equivalent of exploding, foul-smelling eggs while allowing people to gaslight us into thinking that Sizzlean tastes the same as bacon.

For the 1-2 millenials/gen-zers who read my blog and don’t get the title, this might help. Ask a “boomer” (really GenXer) what Sizzlean tastes like… or not. I can say definitively, no amount of avocado toast can cover up the PTSD I have of that chewy mess of fat-bubbled tumors which came out the same no matter how we cooked it —though often in the microwave because with “50% less fat”, you could get away with “nuking” them. In fact, at home my mom referred to it as “microwave bacon” and not sizzlean. If Instagram or TikTok existed back then, I’m sure influencers would have made bank from Beatrice /ConAgra advertising that clever hack by doctoring up some heavily-cut video that would make the stuff appear edible. (TBH, that might be a good limit-test prompt of genAI: “make sizzlean appear appetizing to someone who has actually eaten it before.”)

Pro tip: If you want to be more hipster than hipster, next time you want someone to scoot over, say, “Move over bacon, there’s something leaner/meatier!” followed by a palms-down magical gesture that would impress even Hermione. I would do it, but at my age, the irony will be lost and it’s going to look like I’m just a boomer grandpa speaking in tongues.