Waiting for neologisms

Dreams are weird things. For instance, there might be a neologism that you understand implicitly—sounds like a definition your friends may make you read aloud in Urban Dictionary to corrupt you, But doesn’t even exist yet..

Here was a weird dream:

She says, “Things have gone a little stale in bed so I’m going to get him a Happy Pen.”

“Oh, what’s a “Happy Pen?” one asks

She rolls her eyes.

Later that day, they come across her boyfriend. “Hey, we heard she’s going to get you a Happy Pen.” they say laughing.

“Look,” he says with frustration. “It’s not just a happy pen. I mean there’s more to it that just that. Maybe an Olive Garden before that and a kiss afterward.”

“Oh, what’s an “Olive Garden”?”

(I”m surprised they aren’t in Urban Dictioanry. You’d think if there’s a Hefty Midget, there’d be these.)

This reminds me of college where I was a house waiter.

After serving dinner the w8rs used to sit at table, drink, and talk. The rule was nobody could leave the dining hall, unless everyone stood up at once. Since the excom was traditionally held by w8rs, most house business was informally handled at this time. The rest of it was frustrate your friends by keeping them from studying.

One of us would make up neologisms for novel sexual acts in the hopes that everyone else would get so offended they’d stand up.

In those days there was no Urban Dictonary; there was, however, the alt.sex FAQ.

After dinner he’d submit his made-up-shit to alt.sex.

He managed to get a couple of them in the FAQ.

In case you were wondering, the only surefire way to get every waiter to stand up at once was to fart. You precede this period of flatulence with an imperative pun. “Wait!”

“Wait!” someone yells.

(Everyone stops talking and pauses)

*PPPPHHHHHHHHBBBBBTTT!*

“Ahh geez!” (Everyone stands up at once.)

Voting yourself to oblivion

“My mom said she voted for anything that is going to lower her taxes.”

Great so your mom voted for Prop 19 which failed. But the other stuff? You realize that your dad is the only breadwinner in the family and he’s a government employee. When California is forced to submit a budget, and all alternate taxation and alternate funding resources have been closed, the first thing they’re going to do is lay off your dad (again).

It’s sad, but it’s the cold hard reality of those votes. I’m sure they’re going to enjoy the no new taxes when they’ve got no income to go along with it.

Yet another year where I voted with the losers on all but a couple propositions. Ironically, I’m one of the lucky few who doesn’t get touched by this voting stupdity. Heck, I never even had a joint.

Enjoy the consequences of your actions.

That camera? Do not want.

Heard on the radio:

Want a camera that is easy to use and takes good photos?

My first thought: No. Because it’s not the camera that makes the photo good, you do.

Good photos record a worthwhile experience; and those experiences are earned, not taken.

Look this way.

Look this way.
Morgan’s Apartment, South of Market, San Francisco, California

Leica M8, Zeiss Biogon 2.8/25ZM
1/16sec, ISO320, 25mm (33mm)

There are few small cameras harder to use (and slower) than a Leica.

“i like to poke things with my finger. tummies, ears and noses mostly. oh, and jello. jello is fun to poke. red jello. no, green.”
—Cyan. Always causing trouble.

Largest Ruby on Rails app?

Seen in a brochure at PayPal X:

LinkedIn uses Joyent infrastructure to run the largest Ruby on Rails app with over 2 billion monthly pageviews.

  • I thought LinkedIn was Java, when did they switch to Rails?
  • 2 billion monthly? When I left my last company, our (PHP) app was doing over 7 billion monthly, and wasn’t even in the top 10 PHP applications out there. Surely there are Rails apps bigger than that.

Toilet Paper Chicken

“Ahh,” a friend sighs to me. “I just had to buy some rolls of toilet paper!”

“That happens sometimes,” I reply thoughtfully.

“No, they’re for my place and I’m not even living there.”

“How did that happen?”

“My roommates ran the toilet paper down.”

“So why didn’t they get some?”

“Well I have two. One is leaving and using my bedroom; the other is just moving in and using the other bedroom.”

“Oh!… Umm?”

“Well I guess one figured since she’s leaving she doesn’t need to get new toilet paper. And the other figures she’s just moved in and shouldn’t be buying toilet paper either.”

“So they’re just playing a big game of chicken over the toilet paper?!”

“I guess so.”

(Roommates. I’m so glad I don’t have them. Can you imagine this game? The moment you “win” congratulations; you’re MacGyver now.)